Watch Me Fall Apart
by somethingtobelieve
Summary: "He'd always been more popular than her, and he certainly didn't need her. Yet year after year, he was always next to her at lunch, pulling on her braid, teasing her, sharing his lunches with her, even though he didn't have to. She'd always thought she was the luckier one in this relationship, but he seemed to think she was worth something, because he'd always stuck around." AU.


Written for Prompts in Panem, Day 2 - Marigold

"_Cruelty: __The deliberate infliction of pain or suffering; willfully causing distress to others. Feelings of extreme heartlessness. An indifference to suffering."_

* * *

He'd always been more popular than her, and he certainly didn't need her. Yet year after year, he was always next to her at lunch, pulling on her braid, teasing her, sharing his lunches with her, even though he didn't have to. She'd always thought she was the luckier one in this relationship, but he seemed to think she was worth something, because he'd always stuck around.

When Peeta calls her on a Tuesday morning begging to go to their favorite bar tonight, she knows there's a problem. They only ever go there on the weekends, because when they do, they tend to drink too much and it leads to a rough morning for everyone involved.

"But Peeta," she protests," you have school tomorrow."

"I don't care, I'll call in sick, please, Kat," he begs.

She wonders what brought this on, but she knows him well enough to know that he won't tell her until they're face to face. It's worth a try though.

"Why, Peeta?" she asks, not bothering to mask the concern in her tone.

"I'll tell you when I see you, Katniss, _please_. Just for a little while."

They both know it won't be a little while but she doesn't point that out to him. She's starting to get worried. In nearly twenty years of friendship with this boy – with this _man_, she corrects herself – she has never heard him like this.

The begging in his tone is what gets her. She can think of one place she'd like to hear him beg her like that, but she doesn't point that out either.

* * *

At 8:30 that night, Katniss arrives at The Hob, anxiously scanning the room as she searches for Peeta. She's beginning to think he's running late when she spots him in a corner booth. As she walks toward him, he's taking a long, slow sip out of his pint glass, which is half full. From the looks of it as he gives her a sluggish wave, it's not his first. And potentially not his second either.

"You started without me," she teases as she slides into the booth. The royal blue leather on the edge of the seat has started to crack, and tiny tufts of white poke through the holes. It's in need of an update – the whole bar is, really - but they don't come to The Hob for its décor.

Peeta merely shrugs, and takes another long slow sip. She looks at him, _really_ looks at him, and as his eyes meet hers for the first time that night, she can see the pain that's there.

_Shit._

She doesn't expect him to speak yet, she's just regarding him sadly, but what he says shocks her.

"Bristel broke up with me," he says, disdain evident in his tone. Katniss can't stop her jaw from dropping. (And, regretfully, she doesn't fail to notice the way her stomach catches, like maybe she might have a chance now.)

"She _cheated_ on me." He continues, and it would be absolutely impossible to miss the sadness and the pain in his voice. (She feels bad that she thought maybe now was her time.)

Katniss is pretty sure her jaw is on the floor at this point, but she manages to wave Greasy Sae over from the bar.

"We'll take another round," she asks, keeping her eyes on Peeta's shrunken form, his shoulders slumped as he finishes off his drink. "And keep 'em coming."

* * *

From what Katniss can gather from a tipsy Peeta, who is now on his fourth beer, Bristel had been cheating on him for a while. He'd had no idea, but last night she came clean to him – she was pregnant, and it was Cato's, and she was leaving.

"How do you even do something like that? It's cruel." Peeta asked in a quiet voice, a voice so brokenhearted it makes Katniss want to weep.

"And she has the worst fucking timing in the whole world, with so much going on at work right now," he moans. She reaches over to his hand that's resting on the table and places her hand over it softly, rubbing her thumb along his knuckles slowly. He looks so vulnerable, and it makes her want to hug him until he's cried out, while at the same time all she wants to do is push him against the wall and press her lips against his until they're both out of breath.

Instead, Katniss chooses the rational option and stays where she is. Peeta isn't talking much, and he doesn't seem to want more from her other than her presence. He finishes beer number four and waves Greasy Sae over to bring a fifth. She's still working on her second, slowly sipping because she figures at least one of them should be sober for this conversation and based on the situation it should probably be her.

She doesn't know how to help him. At 24 years old, her relationship experience has been limited to a few bad dates with guys from work, some sloppy make out sessions at college frat parties, and a disastrous kiss with Gale. That's it. And of course, her lifelong pining for Peeta Mellark.

Good, popular, kind Peeta. That's how she's always known him, ever since they were five years old and they met in chorus assembly. How could Peeta ever been any different? He'd been the one steady presence in her whole life – by her side for the death of her father, the spiraling depression of her mother, the brief loss of her beloved sister Prim to Child Protective Services. She couldn't imagine how she would have made it through all those things without him, his smiling face, his steady hand on her back, his whispered words of reassurance in her ear.

He'd always been more popular than her, and he certainly didn't need her. Yet year after year, he was always next to her at lunch, pulling on her braid, teasing her, sharing his lunches with her, even though he didn't have to. She'd always thought she was the luckier one in this relationship – she herself didn't have much to offer other than a nearly perpetual scowl (though admittedly it never appeared around Peeta) and a strong will to make her way through any challenge – but he seemed to think she was worth something, because he'd always stuck around.

They'd gone to the same college, and Katniss thought she might finally have her chance. Away from the hundreds of people at Panem High School, she had hoped that Capitol College might be their fresh start, their opportunity to get it right. But Peeta didn't seem to regard her as anything more than a best friend – his "very, very best friend", he'd told her multiple times.

When they got to Capitol, Peeta had had a few dates with girls who always seemed to be more interested in him than he was in them. Katniss tried to encourage this, hoping through some twisted logic that if he saw there was no one who knew her as well as he did, he would take notice of her, but it never seemed to work. And at some point, he stopped dating, claiming to be too busy with his education major and teaching assistantships to worry about dates with girls who wanted nothing more than a free meal.

But three months ago, Bristel Juniper had managed to catch his eye, and after repeatedly checking with Katniss to see what she thought (though it had pained her to tell him to go for it, she thought he deserved some happiness, and if that was with Bristel so be it), and the rest was history. Until now.

* * *

By beer number six, Peeta has gotten chatty. He's thanking Katniss for everything she's done for him, for always being there. He's talking about how she's always been able to make him laugh and how good she is for him.

"You make me a better person, Katniss," he's saying, and she's trying to force herself to remember that he's drunk, he doesn't know what he's saying, and that tomorrow things will be (relatively) back to normal. She can't get her hopes up here.

* * *

Beer number seven has Peeta in stiches laughing. She's not sure what's so funny, and through his drunken haze, he tries to make her understand.

"The joke is because his name is printed on all the slips in the bowl! There's no way he's not going to be picked for the arena….you don't get it." He trails off.

"Damn it, I explained it wrong." He groans. Frustration ghosts over his features, and she decides to fake it.

"No, Peeta, I get it. It's really funny!" She laughs, and hopes she's convincing. She's never been a good actress, not where Peeta is concerned.

"Oh, Katniss, you always do." He says happily, taking another swig of his beer.

* * *

Peeta's eighth drink has him serious again.

"The funny thing is, Katniss, that I don't think I ever really liked Bristel all that much anyway."

Her breath hitches in her throat, and she's glad she's almost done with beer number three because finishing it gives her something to do while she tries to ignore the heated, almost heady way he's looking at her and the funny feeling his words send to her stomach.

"Because she wasn't what I needed, Katniss, do you see?" She nods. She can't trust herself to say anything.

"I dated her because she was there, because she was pretty, because she was a fucking good kisser, but that's really all she was good for." It's all coming out in one long sentence now, and Katniss feels like her eyes are locked on his, transfixed. "I dated her because it was easy, because I didn't have to give a lot. Hell, we never even slept together."

She's surprised at this and at the same time a little hopeful. She must look surprised, because Peeta nods.

"I know. I just couldn't go through with it, even though…" he trails off. "Even though she was there."

She isn't sure what to think. On one hand she wants to confess her feelings to Peeta, just lay it all out in the open with the option of tomorrow's hangover to wipe it clean away, but on the other she feels like she would be taking advantage of him to do that. She's had a few drinks, and with his eyes locked on hers, she can't think straight. He needs to be the one to do the talking here.

For a few moments, neither of them speak. Neither of them move.

"Because what I really needed was you, I think." He finally says.

And there it is.

"And she was absolutely nothing like you. And it fucking sucked."

Her face softens, and he finishes off his drink, pushing it to the middle of the table to join her empty glass.

"I think it's always been you, Katniss. For so long I was afraid to tell you that, but now with Bristel gone and me and you here, it's ... I should be pissed right now, pissed about her sleeping with a co-worker and getting herself pregnant and breaking my trust, but I'm not. And I'm not because you're here with me."

He's clearly drunk, but the honest look in his eyes makes her breath catch in her throat, and she doesn't think it's the alcohol speaking for him. This is Peeta, good, honest, respectable Peeta, who she has always known has loved her in some way but she never thought it would be _that _way and he's confessing his feelings for her and she's not even sure what to say. He has fallen apart in front of her tonight but he also seems to have somehow put himself back together.

"You make everything better, Katniss, I mean that. Katniss, I – I… I love you."

Now her jaw's on the floor again, and he looks like he might burst into tears because for the second time tonight his heart has been broken. He thinks she's turning him down.

"No!" She exclaims. "I – I mean…" She doesn't know what to say, what she can say to make him feel better and what she can do to fix this situation. Because Peeta Mellark is the only boy she's ever loved, and this situation, with him saying pretty words to her while she sits by his side, is the only one she's ever wanted, and he is all she has ever pictured for her life.

"Peeta, I'm no good with words, you know that, but... I feel the same."

She barely sees the smile burst onto his drunken, happy face before she presses her lips to his until they can't breathe.

They're not perfect, but they're certainly something.

* * *

Thanks as always for reading!


End file.
